eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's

In Grandmas case, this was Lillooet. Required fields are marked *. My mother, who had a way with words, might have said we were multivocal. Thus, I thought her eulogy should be multivocal as well, and I asked each sibling to help me by sharing a favorite memory or two that paid tribute to some of her values e.g., sacrifice, dedication, humility and a sense of humor. But then, in January, my parents called with news that she had contracted pneumonia. I have tears in my eyes, though I never met her. One of her lungs had failed and she was no longer conscious. As many of you know, for the last ten years or so, Grandma has suffered from dementia and memory loss, such that in her latter days she was a shadow of her former self. After some debate, my family elected me to compose and deliver the eulogy. Tags: Dementia, Grandparent Loss, It's Complicated They had to start from scratch; my mother remembers a cabin with dirt floors. Individually, people suffered immensely. He took a turn for the worse last Monday, after falling the previous Friday, and was struggling to breath and swallow and in a state of delirium and agitation for several days. For years. I remember crying as I sat next to her, holding her hand. I just lost her 1st of january 2016. Queer cripple with a PhD. The grieving process is a long one, and never truly over, but hope your memories are helping to ease the sadness. I cant remember a single time I was around her when she wasnt encouraging, exhorting, or urging me and others toward faith and obedience to Christ. It strips away the layers of etiquette and social pretense that most of us have learned to operate with. She took me to church with her, to the Japanese United Church on Victoria Drive, where I met other children with similar backgrounds, and ate homemade udon noodles at the church bazaars. I mean the good kind a sanctified pride in her family. Big hugs from afar,xoHelen, Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2014 22:07:04 +0000 To: helenm_moore@hotmail.com. Life in internment camp was very hard; the sense of being shamed, set apart and treated unfairly was, I think, almost worse. Archives [], [] This Sunday will bemy second Mothers Day since my mother died. Heres what I mean: dementia reveals the true essence of a person. I cried quietly in the passenger seat, as decade-old memories of our pre-dementia relationship resurfaced. Her life was not easy and I think to be a mother fighting for your familys survival is difficult for your immediate relationships; but even after all that hardship and strife, there was enough softness left inside to give to her granddaughter. Because you'll know where they come from. I believe wherever she is now she will be smiling reading this about her self. It felt inappropriate to mourn Grandma Pauline, while she was still with us at least in the literal sense, but the spirit of her was so far away. She had dementia and wasnt really enjoying life. She loved nice shoes and clothes and was always well turned out. It was as if my mother had saidbefore I left, Im going home. I still dream about her often. Read more about Lauren. And so on this day, as we honor Pat Thunes life and legacy, I find myself thankful for and challenged by her cheerful optimism, her sanctified pride, and her genuine love for Christ. A lot of the Japanese culture that I retain, as a fourth-generation Japanese Canadian, came from her. I try to remember that inspirational lesson as I parent my own children. Design by Bethany Beams, Some Stars Shine: Happy Birthday, Baby Brother, Music in Memory: Country Gospel Funeral Songs , Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish, Slow Motion: The Alzheimers Grieving Process, Memorial Service Packet Insert Page Dixie Stucky, Knesek Funeral Home Obituary and Guestbook, Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go? Is she dead? I asked, in disbelief, but I knew the answer. Saying goodbye to my mother. Eulogy for Ellen, My Mother. Ill try to post on those later. March 22, 2012December 11, 2012. As she put it: she was an optimist, while Harold was more of a realist.. She was delicate and wild., Memorial Service Packet Dixie StuckyMemorial Service Packet Insert Page Dixie StuckyKnesek Funeral Home Obituary and Guestbook. Because I didn't know. As a beneficiary of that love and of Grandmas legacy, I am grateful. She had a fall on the 20th of December that fractured her pelvis and back, and she was in hospital. My grandmother spent one winter living on potatoes, taking shelter in a tent. When I was 9 our family took a trip to Hawaii and Grandma came along. I was constantly racking my brain, trying to figure out what or whom she was waiting on. I think it was a chapter of her life that she wanted to forget and erase as much as possible. (When I saw her again, she was unconscious in the days before her passing.) I was devastated, but also relieved for the permission to mourn what I had lost so many years earlier. But the truth is that my grandmother had been gone for more than a decade when she took her last breath. So I go after dementia the way it went after my mother -- relentlessly, clinically, unrepentantly. (You take the good, you take the bad.) One year at a family event, my siblings and I started reminiscing about this practice. Love for Christ. I remember staring at the casket spray, made by my amazing friend Terri, through much of the memorial service. Music played an important role in my journey through my mothers illness. What a life she had and what a blessing she was to you and you to her. I think that she became a fighter, for herself and for her family. I believe that I enjoyed a tenderness from her that her own daughters perhaps did not get; she was dedicated to protecting them, and her war experiences made her fierce in her protectiveness. [], [] didnt really get to know Karen until after my mom passed in June 2013. As the minister read my brothers poem, I realized the roses embodied his words and our mother. Then we held a graveside service later that day at Sealy Cemetery in Sealy, Texas. By Nina Badzin. My 83-year-old mother has dementia. Tony Dearing may be reached at tdearing@njadvancemedia.com. She had a fall on the 20th of December that fractured her pelvis and back, and she was in hospital. When we got word en route that she had died, my husband had to keep assuring the kids that I was okay. The reason is that my mother's mother, my Grandma Sugiyama, passed away on Christmas Eve. If you want to chat, I am here. Russell wheeled you outside for some fresh air and sunshine, and you smiled and tried to speak to me several times. Two years ago, Harold and Pat came to my church for the first time ever. To this day, coconut syrup and guava juice means Waikiki Breakfast with Grandma. The words of the Bible rolled off her tongue with ease. Lauren Flake is a wife, girl mom, native Austinite, seventh generation Texan, artist, author, and Alzheimer's daughter. I was the eldest, born at least 7 years before the next grandchild, so I commanded her attention, plus she was a fairly young grandmother with lots of energy for a young child. The last time I saw my grandmother was in April 2013, about nine months before she died. He died in 1977 of a respiratory disease, shortly after the birth of my sister Erin. I had deja vu from watching my mother in her final days and months of Alzheimers disease. But this is my news, and my eulogy for my Grandma. Again, a sensory memory of security became the most indelible legacy of a loving parent. Get to Chicago right away, they told me. We visited her in hospital and I showed her pictures of my familys trip there in October and she reminisced about her last trip. We always knew we werent as great as Grandma thought we were; but we hoped we were kinda close. It isn't high-tech at all. Hi Lea, With the outbreak of war with Japan, like others in the Japanese Canadian community she was sent with her father, her mother and her younger brother Sid, to a prison camp for the duration of the war. She doesnt know us, theyd say. For the past 10 years, Grandma suffered from dementia and memory loss so I was tempted to rewind the clock and talk about how she really was in her earlier years. She had a sense of the ridiculous and was always ready to laugh over anything silly. This hits me close to home as my own grandmother recently passed away after suffering with dementia for a decade or so. By Nina Badzin When I tell people that Grandma Pauline died last year at the age 96, the response is almost always some permutation of "You were blessed to have her for so long." That is true in the technical sense. When my grandmother died two weeks ago, I was asked to share a short eulogy at the memorial service. | Candid conversation about grief. I put everything I could into the eulogy and really hoped to convey a sense of her life and character. They stayed in business until 1973, when Grandpas health forced his retirement. In March, I wrote in Slow Motion: The Alzheimers Grieving Process: Alzheimers disease creates such a bizarre and unfair grieving process for families. Two Pleasers In A Relationship, She entered hospice care when I was pregnant with my first daughter and passed away, almost two years later, when I was pregnant with my second daughter. She left quite a legacy for us and I just hope we can live up to her example. Grandma's faith was never religious, dutiful, or pious. Perhaps the only silver lining was that the diseases slow progression gave my five siblings and me time to process her death, reflect on her life, and arrange an appropriate memorial service. She taught her daughters to dress nicely and I think I can attribute some of my dress sense to my put-together grandmother. Find NJ.com on Facebook. When words fail, music comes through and pulls us all in. Grandma and Grandpa set up a corner store in east Vancouver, which they kept open long hours. She was always and forever an influencer. By the time Grandma Pauline was in her late 70s, her mind was already beginning to fail. After all, she and her community had been unfairly victimized for nothing more than their ethnicity. They said their final goodbye to their only child after watching her struggle with Alzheimers disease for more than 10 years. [], [] After awaiting your passing and the end of your suffering for so long, I had no idea I would miss visiting you so much, even though you couldnt respond to me. I was looking for details I could use for the eulogy Id need to deliver two days later, but I also wanted to melt the feelings about her Id frozen since shed started becoming a different person. We're so glad you're here. "Since 2014, when the clinic was founded, it's been OK to say 'Alzheimer's disease' and 'prevention' in the same sentence.". During the night on the 23rd of December she suffered a stroke that left her non-responsive on the 24th, and that afternoon she died. There was no high school in Deep Bay, so Grandma finished school at 13 and began to help her family on the fishing boat, in the cannery, and also working berry picking and farming. Clara Sent from my iPhone. On New Years Day she would make a special meal for everyone, with futomaki and the inevitable chow mein that is de rigeur at every Japanese Canadian family meal. I was finally ready for her to go. It seems almost everyone I talk to has lost a parent or grandparent to Alzheimer's, or is currently dealing with it in their extended family. I didnt know I would say goodbye to my mother eight days after I wrote Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish. She prayed relentlessly for her kids and grandkids and for the people of Murdo. She grew up in Deep Bay, on Vancouver Island, where her father was a fisherman, ranging as far as the Alaskan Panhandle on his small boat. We honored my mother, Dixie Benton Stucky (1953-2013), on Saturday, June 29, 2013. Grandma never heard my dad preach a mediocre sermon; she never watched a ball game in which her kids or grandkids werent the most valuable player; and she never understood why John didnt get 100% of the vote in every election. Growing up as a kid with that kind of a grandmother had a way of bestowing confidence, self-worth, and a sense of rootedness. The Riparian Times is a boutique publication with musings about life, travel, fashion and art. In a way, I'm still writing it. The blow to Grandmas sense of self-worth was hard to recover from. The glass was always half full. Cheerfulness. After my mom died, I discovered a world of new meaning in my favorite color. Thank you so much Pastor Bob. It's an anxiety that hangs over all of us. Since the doctors were unable to diagnosis exactly what kind of dementia she suffered from, her children and grandchildren had no general timeline to predict her decline. Jet Diver Vs Dipsy Diver, You Might Have the Better Claim But I Have the Bigger Army. I think that it would have been easy to sink into depression after the internment, or to be consumed with resentment and bitterness. Grandmas faith was never religious, dutiful, or pious. That morning, however, my grandfather regained full consciousness. People didnt deliver meals or flowers. And now that I can only reach back through the memories, I promise to share the best ones I have with my children and, God-willing, with my grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She didnt wander off and she never completely forgot the members of her immediate family. She knew my face and my name, and she knew that we had always been close, but I suspected that my grandmother no longer remembered what made us close like the many Saturday night sleepovers from my childhood, when wed go to one of her few pre-approved restaurants. Grandmas love for the Lord Jesus was never personal or private, as many in our modern liberal culture would like to keep it. I am the oldest of Harold and Pat Thunes 13 grandchildren, and it is a privilege for me to represent them today by offering a few reflections on Pats life. But of course, this isn't about history. It was about the kind of person you were and the difference you made in the lives of others. Maybe some short stories. We were all saddened by her departure, yet relieved that she would not suffer. The disease made the last few years especially painful, but she lived to age 85 and led a full life. Im very sorry for your loss. I hope I can be kinda like her when I grow up. By some miracle, this visit included an unusual bright spot of lucidity. The next day, Saturday, June 22, 2013, I walked into her room with my dad. But I didnt ask, and she couldnt really answer anyway. Wow,so touching and I cant stop reading. Eulogy for a Grandmother I'm not sure how you begin to talk about a life that spanned nearly a centurya woman whose time included half a dozen wars, The Great Depression, and 17 different presidents. But then I realized that would be exactly the wrong approach. Grandma was pretty frail by then and I wasnt sure she even knew who I was. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); On March 29, 2022, I was invited by Senator John Thune to be the guest chaplain for the U.S. Senate,, In the past week, its suddenly become commonly accepted wisdom that congregational singing is, Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window), Protect Your Kids: How to Install an Internet Filter, Healthcare: Why Both Parties Are Missing the Point, A Historic Day: What Brexit Tells Us About Culture. Pride. But people dont quite know how to mourn someone whos still technically alive. We hosted a memorial service at Western Hills Church of Christ in Austin, Texas. Beauty wordings and a few random tangents! I finally found peace after Alzheimers disease. My grandmother was shaped by her historical context. Grandpa would say: Grandma, no singing at the table. And then it would happen again. For someone who is diagnosed with it, there is no cure, and no treatment to reverse its course. It helped me maintain my connection to my mother while she was still alive and also helped me to say goodbye and honor her memory when she passed. A friend of my mothers for 40 years, Stuart Platt, delivered my mothers eulogy at her funeral and also spoke at her graveside service. [NBC News], We Cant Comprehend This Much Sorrow [NY Times], The Familial Language of Black Grief [The Atlantic]. When I logged onto Zoom to lead a session on friendship, my true love was waiting in the grid. eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's; Recent Comments. He is writing a memoir on gender and parenting. I had already spent so many years grieving and honoring the memory of my mother and best friend. Very moving. As a young woman, she came to Vancouver, to attend sewing school. But to me, that was a great picture of who Grandma actually was. 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These memories of our time together I hope she retained. In her mind, Thunes were great at everything and everybody ought to acknowledge it. She couldnt read, couldnt even enjoy a TV show because her short-term memory didnt allow her to retain a plot line. That is how we will always remember her. She was perpetually cheerful, joyful, and sunny. Then the war. I can see so much of your mom and dad in you and that is superb. Sure, several people offered to help here and there, helping my parents move houses, or more recently, going with me to visit my mother. And in her later years, when the more complex aspects of her personality had faded, her joyful faith in Jesus remained. Jag har aldrig slutat att grta fr allt han har gtt misste om. She fixed my hair with gentle hands. She's her old self again, happy and vibrant and sharp as a whip. Filed Under: death, growing up, memories Tagged With: Aging, Alzheimer's, life lessons. However, by the time she was 85, the connection Id always considered so special, essential, and real had truly become formal and foreign. I hope we always remember her strength and fortitude, her love of beauty and her keen aesthetic sense, her kindness and love for her family. He has continued to improve and was out of bed and walking today! m_gallery_blog_id = "8001122"; I write this column every week, because right now, information is really all we have to protect ourselves against Alzheimer's disease. I had no idea the next time I saw you, you would be unconscious on your deathbed. I sat on her bed and held her hand. When I was first asked to share a few words in honor of my grandmother, I was tempted to wind back the clock about ten years. By Bob Thune I was desperate to be wild in grief and my coke-snorting bestie was my ticket to fun. Shed tell me how smart he was and how much he would have loved me, but I couldnt get her to say anything of substance. But I can finally remember her, I would have explained, except that I couldnt talk. I was so lucky to have her for so long. When you ask Americans over the age of 60 what health threat they fear the most, overwhelmingly they say Alzheimer's. But then I realized that winding back the clock would be exactly the wrong thing to do on a day like this. Loved reading about how she passed Japanese culture to you. Tagged as eulogy, Japanese Canadian internment, What a stunning and moving tribute to your grandmother. Mhw Mods Allowed 2020, Your email address will not be published. After a couple of days of absorbing the shock and trying to erase that final image of my mothers lifeless body, I woke up that Monday morning feeling at peace. Your love for her, your tender descriptions of her, your understanding and compassion for her wartime experiences and your tribute to her character are so beautifully written. The Japanese expression shoganai means something like it cant be helped; its a verbal shrug and is often invoked to describe a traditional resignation and acceptance of fate, an attitude in Japanese culture which allowed them to move on with their lives. When confronted with the question of why, Mom laughed and said: I dont know. m_gallery_pagetype = "embed"; This column is committed to brain health, prevention of dementia and successful aging. The reason is that my mothers mother, my Grandma Sugiyama, passed away on Christmas Eve. Her family was drastically set back by the confiscation of all their property. You Are Only as Good as the People You Surround Yourself With, By Jamie Kolnick in My Loss, Personal Essays. Because while the most meaningful memories of Grandma are those from days long past, the most accurate memories the ones that most clearly reveal her true character are the most recent ones. Until finally, it is over. April 12, 2017 by Vincent O'Keefe Leave a Comment, The authors mother lived a full life before dying of Alzheimers at age 85, and writing her eulogy helped him better understand it. I always wondered what made him such a great man and reading your eulogy gives me insight into his upbringing. My aunt Judy was born in Kamloops, my mother in Revelstoke, and my aunt Esther in Vernon, and the family made its way back to Vancouver in 1950, when the Canadian government allowed Japanese Canadians back to the coast, four years after the end of the war. My news, and sunny death, growing up, memories Tagged with: Aging, 's... Was drastically set back by the confiscation of all their property as eulogy, Japanese Canadian came. Sister Erin musings about life, travel, fashion and art age 85 and a. Consumed with resentment and bitterness contracted pneumonia last trip want to chat, I walked into her with! True love was waiting in the grid relationship resurfaced except that I talk... 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